What is ‘friendflation’ and is it eating into your savings?

Summer spending has a way of creeping up on you. Most of the time, you’re saying yes to people you care about and enjoying yourself. It’s only when you look at your bank balance afterwards that you realise how much it all cost.

And it’s rarely just the event itself. A wedding might mean somewhere to stay and a gift, while getting home from a night out can cost almost as much as the evening itself. These extra expenses are easy to overlook at the time, but over a whole summer they can really add up.

Individually, they might not have felt like huge expenses. But put them all together, and having fun with friends and celebrating can get expensive fast.

There’s a name for this, and it’s ‘friendflation’ - the rising cost of having a social life.

The end of summer is a good time to look back at what you spent, to get an idea of what you might do differently next year.

So, what did this summer actually cost you?

‍The real cost of wedding season

Research from the Money and Pensions Service (MAPS) found that UK adults spent an average of £692 attending a single wedding. Most people go to three a year, adding up to more than £2,000. If you're 25 to 34, you probably went to six, taking the total closer to £4,500.

And the day itself is only part of the cost. There's also:

• travel and accommodation, averaging £147;
• an outfit, averaging £136; and
• a present, averaging £117.

Separate research from Experian found that nearly one-in-five guests had declined a wedding invitation because of the cost.

Then there are the celebrations around the big day. The same Experian research found that three-in-four hen or stag attendees think pre-wedding celebrations are too expensive, and 11% said they'd gone into debt over one. 

But weddings aren't the only expense. Festivals, birthdays and spontaneous weekends away can all add up too.

Credit card provider Aqua found that 38% of UK adults don't have a budget for social spending at all. More than a quarter said fear of missing out had led them to overspend. Friends were named more often than any other group as the source of that pressure.

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When something else has to give 

According to Mastercard's Experience Economy Report, 71% of UK respondents say lived experiences matter more to them than ever. But you might not always get to choose which experiences you have. Someone else’s big life moment can become a big expense in your own budget.

When the invites keep coming, something often has to give. 27% of wedding guests cut back on things, like going out for meals, to keep up.

Sometimes the trade-offs are harder to spot. Maybe you paused your regular savings and told yourself you'd start again next month. Or perhaps you put off making that extra contribution to your pension and topped up your holiday pot to fund a wedding abroad instead. 

That doesn't mean the experiences weren't worth it. The wedding might have brought lifelong memories that you can’t put a price on. Spending money on the people and experiences you care about is part of what money is for - to enjoy doing the things you love.

But if keeping up with social events is regularly pushing your own plans further away, or leaving you stressed about money, it might be time to ask whether every invitation needs to be a yes.

Why saying no feels so hard

If you know all of this and still find yourself saying yes, you're not alone. 

Psychologists use the term ‘sociotropy' to describe a strong desire to keep other people happy and maintain harmony in relationships. It can help explain why turning down an invitation can feel so difficult.

Social spending involves people you care about, so there's often more to the decision than the numbers. You might know that you'd rather put £300 towards your pension but saying no can also mean worrying that you'll disappoint a friend or miss out on time together. 

These are understandable feelings, and there isn’t always a clear-cut answer about when to say yes and when to put your own finances first.

It's tempting to assume "Sorry, I can't afford it" is the easy option - a clear reason that most friends would understand. In practice, it rarely feels that simple, because money is one of the most difficult things for us to talk about.

Research from Barclays found that half of UK adults consider money a taboo subject, and almost three-in-10 avoid money conversations even when they know talking could help. 

It can feel even harder when you could technically afford it, but would rather put the money towards something else. That can be difficult to explain without making it feel personal. 

Spending with friends rarely feels purely financial. Sometimes saying yes can feel like part of being a good friend. There’s often an emotional side to social spending too. Saying yes can feel like showing up for someone, which makes it easier to sacrifice something in your own budget instead. 

Here are a few things that might help:

• Buy yourself some time - you don't have to answer the group chat straight away. "Let me check a few things and come back to you" gives you time to assess your budget before agreeing.
• Keep your answer simple - you might feel you need to explain exactly why you're saying no, but a short, polite answer is often enough. You don't need to defend your spending choices. 
• Suggest something else - offer an alternative that costs less but still gives you the chance to celebrate or spend time together.
• Remember why you said no - if you start to feel guilty, remind yourself what you chose to prioritise instead. 
• Think about the whole year - one expensive weekend might feel manageable on its own. Looking at everything coming up can help you decide what you genuinely want to prioritise. 

Consider a sinking fund

If you ended the summer with less in your bank account than you'd hoped, worried about upcoming bills or having put your own savings goals on hold, it might be worth rethinking how you approach next summer.

Simply deciding you'll ‘be better with money’ next year might not be enough. It can help to make some decisions before the invitations arrive.

One option is to create a social sinking fund - a separate pot of money you gradually build up for things like weddings, birthdays, trips and nights out. Look at roughly what you spent on social plans this year, then decide what you'd feel comfortable spending next year.

Give that money a new job

One more thing worth doing while summer's fresh in your mind is looking at the plans you wouldn't repeat.

Say you turn down one wedding or weekend away and save £300 over the year. Instead of letting that money get absorbed into everyday spending, you could give it a purpose by putting it into your pension.

Do the same each year for 30 years, and those £300 contributions could grow to more than £17,000.* That’s the benefit of giving your money time to compound - you’re not just keeping the £300 you didn’t spend, you’re giving it the opportunity to grow.

That doesn’t mean the plans you say yes to are a waste of money. Some will be completely worth it.

When the money you save has somewhere to go, saying no can feel less like missing out and more like making a conscious choice. 

*Calculations assume a £300 personal contribution every year for 30 years, 5% annual investment growth, 2.5% annual inflation, 0.7% annual management charges.

The takeaway

Seeing everything you spent over the summer in one place can feel like a lot. But it can also give you a clearer idea of what was worth the money. The point isn’t to regret the weddings and other celebrations, but to work out which costs felt worthwhile and which didn’t.

You could try thinking about:

• which plans you’d happily spend the same amount on again;
• the events you agreed to mainly because everyone else was going; and
• what you spent less on, or put off, to make room for them.

You can use what you’ve learned to make next summer a little easier. Having some money already set aside for social plans means you’re less likely to find yourself choosing between them and something else you care about. 

Risk warning

As always with investments, your capital is at risk. The value of your investment can go down as well as up, and you may get back less than you invest. This information should not be regarded as financial advice.