The 'good daughter' penalty: what it is and how it could affect your pension

You might’ve already heard about the motherhood penalty. It’s the financial hit women take from stepping back from work to raise children. But there's another penalty that doesn't get as much attention - the ‘good daughter’ penalty.

And if you're a woman in your 40s or 50s with ageing parents, it might already be affecting your finances.

What is the 'good daughter' penalty?

When a parent gets older and needs more support, caring responsibilities are rarely shared equally. Research from Taking Care found that two thirds of people believe it should be daughters, not sons, who take on the caring role. Society, family expectation, and a sense of obligation tend to place the responsibility on women's shoulders.

This often leaves women reducing their hours, turning down promotions, or leaving work altogether. They're often the ones reorganising their lives around someone else's needs, fitting care around everything else. And while it's rarely a choice anyone makes lightly, it comes at a real financial cost. That's why it's sometimes called the 'good daughter' penalty.

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Who's doing the caring?

According to Carers UK, 59% of unpaid carers in the UK are women. The Trades Union Congress (TUC) has found that women are seven times more likely than men to be out of the labour market because of caring commitments. 

The average age of a female unpaid carer in the UK is 55-59 years old. That's exactly the window when most people should be in their highest-earning years, making pension contributions, and preparing for retirement.

This isn't a uniquely British problem. UN Women reports that in no country in the world do women and men share unpaid care equally. Globally, women carry out 76% of all unpaid care work, and they spend 2.8 more hours every single day on unpaid care and domestic work than men.

A double whammy

What’s often missed is how this fits into the bigger picture. The ‘good daughter’ penalty isn’t happening in isolation. It’s an extra pressure on women’s pensions, which are often already lower to begin with.

The motherhood penalty typically strikes in a woman's 30s, when time taken out for children interrupts contributions. Five years after the birth of a first child, mothers’ monthly earnings are on average 42% lower than men’s. Just as that gap begins to narrow, the good daughter penalty often follows, creating a second one.

That’s two contribution gaps, often decades apart, hitting the same pension pot.

What about Carer's Allowance?

If you're caring for someone for more than 35 hours a week, you may be entitled to Carer's Allowance, currently £83.30 a week. You can also claim National Insurance (NI) credits, which can protect your State Pension entitlement while you're not in paid work. Both are worth claiming if you're eligible, and many carers don't realise they qualify.

It won’t replace a full salary, but it’s there to support you, and it can help keep your finances moving in the right direction while you’re in a caring role.

What needs to change?

The good news is that the conversation is changing. The Carers Trust is pushing for Carer's Allowance to be significantly reformed, including a higher weekly payment and a less restrictive earnings threshold. 

And the Women's Budget Group is calling for a fully funded, universal adult social care service, free at the point of need, so that women aren't left to fill the gaps themselves. For now, however, much of the responsibility still sits with families. That makes early conversations more important than ever.

A survey from the National Institute for Health and Care Research found that 62% of adults aged 40-65 had thought about their parents’ future care needs. Yet 75% hadn’t discussed it with them. Another 68% hadn’t raised it with other family members.

Starting that conversation, even if it feels awkward, can help share responsibilities more fairly and avoid everything falling on one person by default.

What can you do?

You can't always avoid a caring role, and many people wouldn't want to. But you can take steps to protect your finances while you're in one.

1. Keep contributing to your pension

Even if you've reduced your hours or stopped work entirely, you can still make contributions to your pension. If you're a non-earner or earn less than £3,600 annually, you can contribute up to £2,880 net to your pension. You’ll also benefit from tax relief - this is a free government top up. With tax relief added, your total annual contribution is £3,600 (2026/27). 

2. Plan for care before it’s urgent

The biggest financial hits often come from last-minute decisions. If you can, talk through care options early. That might include how care will be funded, whether professional support is an option, and how responsibilities could be shared. Even a loose plan can stop everything falling on one person by default.

3. Don't lose sight of your own retirement

Caring for someone else can take up a lot of time and energy. But your financial future still matters. Framing your pension as something that supports both you and your family long term can make it easier to prioritise. Keeping track of what you’ve saved, and using tools like PensionBee’s Pension Calculator to see how contributions could grow your future pot, can make it easier to stay on track.

Summary

The ‘good daughter’ penalty is real, and it affects many women. But it doesn’t have to shape your retirement.

Recognising it is an important first step. It means you can plan around it, stay proactive with your finances, keep your pension in view during caring periods, and question expectations before they become obligations.

Caring for someone else can shift your focus. But your financial future still matters.

Risk warning

As always with investments, your capital is at risk. The value of your investment can go down as well as up, and you may get back less than you invest. This information should not be regarded as financial advice.