This article was last updated on 31/10/2024
Couples underestimate the importance of talking about money. Only 22% of Brits say they find it awkward to talk to their partner about money. Many people fall in love, move in together and get married, while other couples live apart or choose to remain legally single. Some might decide to start a family or buy a property. Whatever your relationship looks like, the coming together of two people is the coming together of two financial worlds.
So it’s no surprise that money can often be a catalyst for relationship breakdown. Since the cost-of-living crisis, the situation has worsened with one third of couples divorcing due to financial disagreements.
The good news is that you can avoid such a breakdown by doing one simple thing with your partner - talking about money. It might not be the most romantic discussion to have on date night, but it could be one of the most important ones.
Why talking about money is essential in a relationship
Talking about money is essential in all relationships, particularly romantic ones as it fosters trust and mutual understanding. Without talking about money, misunderstandings could lead to stress, resentment, and even conflict.
Financial discussions allow couples to align their life goals. Whether that involves saving for a home, planning that summer holiday to Italy, or preparing for the later chapter of life - retirement. It’s therefore essential both partners feel heard in those big (and expensive) life decisions.
Common barriers to discussing money
Fear of conflict
Couples may worry that discussing finances will lead to arguments or put a strain on the relationship. That’s because differences in financial attitudes and habits - such as one partner being a spender and the other a saver - can lead to conflict. But avoiding the topic can create unresolved financial issues that snowball over time.
Different upbringings and beliefs
It’s no surprise that childhood experiences shape financial views, which infiltrate into our adult life. Many couples may therefore fear that their divergent views on spending and saving could make their partner feel uncomfortable.
Lack of financial knowledge
A lack of financial know-how and understanding of financial terms can prevent couples from discussing money because they may feel intimidated or unsure of how to communicate effectively. So it’s just as important to have confidence in your financial knowledge as it is to talk about money.
So we know we should talk, but it can be tricky to get started. Here are seven tips for a constructive money conversation.
- Set a time and place
Scheduling a talk into your calendar is the first step. It’s important to choose a neutral and comfortable setting free from distractions so you can give the discussion the attention it deserves.
- Assess your own finances
Having a 360 degree view of your own finances can help you understand your personal financial habits. Take time to review your ingoings and outgoings, and identify any financial goals or concerns you have that need to be discussed. A good way to start is by compiling a list of your assets, including bank accounts, savings, investments, and property. Be sure to also document your liabilities, such as credit card debt, loans, and mortgages.
- Be honest and transparent
Share your financial situation openly, even if you’re embarrassed about your savings, debts or financial goals. Putting all the cards on the table helps to build trust and prevents misunderstandings later down the line.
- Focus on shared goals
This isn’t about you or them, it’s about the two of you as a team. Prepare to frame the conversation around your shared goals and values, whether it’s short-term or long-term goals. This could help to ensure the conversation is seen as a collaborative effort rather than a confrontational attack.
- Listen and be empathetic
Money can be an emotional topic, so it’s important to listen to your partner’s concerns and feelings without fear or judgement. Put yourself in their shoes and be empathetic towards any worries they may have.
- Agree on a plan and revisit regularly
Once you’ve discussed your financial situation, work together on a plan that suits both of your shared goals. This might include budgeting, saving, or investing strategies. Revisit your plan regularly to ensure you’re on track, and adjust if your financial situation or goals change.
- Dealing with disagreements
If the disagreement becomes heated, take a break and revisit the conversation when emotions have cooled down. In the meantime, reflect on your different stances and be willing to adjust your own to find a middle ground. Some more serious disputes could benefit from having a neutral third party to mediate.
It’s time to get talking
It’s easy to see why so many couples avoid the conversation of money - it can be confronting, intimidating and frankly unromantic. But talking about finances and having regular check-ins can help you to align your financial goals and spending habits. By openly discussing money regularly, couples can better adapt to changing circumstances, celebrate achievements, and make informed decisions to secure a healthier financial future.
Maria is a Journalist and Writer who previously worked as Global Editor at Female Invest. Her writing focuses on gender equality in finance. She’s also written for a variety of other publications including Harper’s Bazaar, The Telegraph, inews, Metro, Glamour and more.
Risk warning
As always with investments, your capital is at risk. The value of your investment can go down as well as up, and you may get back less than you invest. This information should not be regarded as financial advice.
